Sometimes emotions transcend circumstances. Like once, I wept and wept pathetically on my bunk bed when I had just found out a bush in our backyard had been removed. I was about nine years old, but honestly, does that situation warrant tears? I think not.
I now consider myself a more stable type person. Getting older, I've learned to deal with change a little better. But the induction news was that bush being weedwacked to shrubbery heaven again. It hit me in the gut--more even than the situation warranted. I felt (pregnancy??) emotions swing high.
There are a million horrible things in the world. Getting Pitocin is probably not on the list. (Though Pitocin without epidural could likely qualify.) Even though, logically, I knew this, I still felt completely unglued.
After having time to process, to write, to talk to Ben, to hash out scenarios, to pray and think and pray some more, I've felt the anxiety melt away.
I feel heard in heaven; even though it's something pretty insignificant. He should just tell me, "Buck up, sister!" But instead He comforts and calms that, unreasonable but still raging, storm inside. It makes me think God really does care about us.
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Also, I feel heard by an angel that works at my OB office: that Connie Ostrowski. I want to hug her. After hearing my brief hesitancy, she read me like a book. She suggested we might schedule an ultrasound and non-stress test for the day before scheduled induction. If he looks fine, they could push the induction back. If things look questionable, then go ahead with plans. Really?? Fantastic.
So ultrasound Tuesday. Possible induction Wednesday, but might be pushed back.
I'm feeling good about that. It feels good to feel heard.
I'm feeling good about that. It feels good to feel heard.
