Friday, May 21, 2010

Mary

I know Mary from church. She runs, teaches yoga and kickboxing, and just had her third kid. Plus she's super nice. And laid back.

Well, when it comes to some things. When it comes to getting her exercise she doesn't mess around. 9 months pregnant she's running and working out. 9 months pregnant. If that's not a great excuse to not workout nothing is. Even the very day she had her baby this girl runs. Unbelievable.

And just knowing her, you know it's not to prove a point. It's not to be impressive. She doesn't try to be humble about it. She isn't smug. She really doesn't think it's that big of a deal--because it's something she wants to do, for herself.

I wonder about myself. What keeps me from exercising when I'm in perfectly good health? When I do exercise, what makes me want to stop when I start barely getting tired? What holds me back from doing hard things? From pushing myself?

The other day I was outside walking. Part way I think to myself maybe I could run. So I do. About 5 minutes pass and my body feels heavy and tired. It's hot outside. I say to myself, "I can do hard things. I'm healthy. My body can keep going." I keep going. I say this to my body several times for the next 20 minutes. I felt good. I did it, and I did it for myself.

I thought of this yesterday in the kitchen. I kept passing dry dishes sitting in the drainer that needed to be put away. I had nothing pressing to do. I just didn't feel like putting them away. I realized I was waiting for a moment where everything in me would suddenly shout, "I really want to put those dishes away! This is the right time!" I also realized that moment probably wouldn't happen. At least, not without a lot of time passing with clean dishes in the drainer. Why not just put the dishes away?--not because I want to, but because I can. I put them away. I felt good again.

This must be part of being an agent unto myself: learning to act and not be acted upon.

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